Whole Foods Apologies

Whole Foods Apologies


FOLKS, I LOVE SHOPPING AT
WHOLE FOODS. BECAUSE I LOVE ORGANIC PRODUCE
AND I CANNOT STAND HAVING MONEY. (LAUGHTER)
SO IT REALLY BE BUMMING ME OUT TO SEE WHOLE FOODS GETTING INTO
A WHOLE LOT OF ORGANIC, NATURAL, GLUTEN-FREE TROUBLE. THEY WERE CAUGHT ROUTINELY
OVERSTATING THE WEIGHT OF ITS PACKAGED PRODUCTS. (AUDIENCE REACTS)
A LOT OF GUYS DO THAT. (LAUGHTER)
THEN, IN AUGUST, THEY HAD TO APOLOGIZE FOR CHARGING PEOPLE
$6 FOR A BOTTLE OF SOMETHING CALLED ASPARAGUS WATER WHICH WAS
JUST A BOTTLE OF WATER WITH THREE STALKS OF RAW ASPARAGUS
INSIDE. EVIDENTLY, THAT WAS A SCANDAL. PERSONALLY, I NEVER HEARD OF
ASPARAGUS WATER, SO I’M NOT SURE WHAT THE STANDARD IS FOR
ASPARAGUS WATER. BUT TO ME, IF YOU PUT ASPARAGUS
IN WATER, YOU’VE MADE IT. JUST LAST WEEK, WHOLE FOODS HAD
TO ISSUE YET ANOTHER SEMI APOLOGY.>>WHOLE FOODS WILL NO LONGER
SELL PRODUCTS BY PRISON INMATES. REFORM ADVOCATES SAY WHOLE FOODS
IS PROFITING OFF SALE OF PRODUCTS PREPARED BY INMATES WHO
AREN’T PAID MUCH. SOME SELL TILAPIA AND GOAT
CHEESE MADE BY A COLORADO INMATE PROGRAM.>>Stephen: PRISON LABOR? BUT EVERYTHING AT WHOLE FOODS IS
SUPPOSED TO BE CAGE-FREE! (LAUGHTER)
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WHY IS THAT POSSIBLE? DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT! THAT’S ALL RIGHT. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. THE WHOLE TIME, I THOUGHT FARMER
BOB WAS MAKING MY GOAT CHEESE! TURNS OUT, IT WAS SOME GUY NAMED
“SPIDER”! (LAUGHTER)
>>APPARENTLY, SINCE 2001, WHOLE FOODS HAS BEEN PARTNERING WITH A
COMPANY THAT EMPLOYS PRISONERS TO MILK GOATS AND RAISE THE
FISH, CALLED COLORADO CORRECTIONAL INDUSTRIES. YES, THEIR MOTTO, “OUR CHEESE IS
AGED 25-TO-LIFE.” (APPLAUSE)
I HAD TO HAND IT TO WHOLE FOODS. THEY DID THE RESPONSIBLE THING
AND STOPPED IT AS SOON AS THEY WERE CAUGHT. JUST LIKE THE PRISONERS WHO MAKE
THEIR FOOD. I’M SURE THIS IS NOT THE LAST
TIME THEY GET CAUGHT DOING SOMETHING, SO I WOULD LIKE TO
HELP THEM GET AHEAD OF ANY FUTURE SCANDALS WITH SOME
PRE-APOLOGIES ON THEIR BEHALF. WHOLE FOODS WOULD LIKE TO
APOLOGIZE FOR LABELING SOMETHING ORGANIC CHICKEN THAT WERE
ACTUALLY STRAY CATS WITH BEAKS GLUED ON THEM. (LAUGHTER)
WHOLE FOODS WILL NO LONGER MAKE OUR PIZZA CHEF FIGHT IN THE PIT
WITH THOSE WOODEN PADDLES! (LAUGHTER)
FROM NOW ON, OUR GROUND CHUCK WILL BE LABELED PROPERLY. WE’LL INCLUDE CHUCK’S LAST NAME
SO YOU WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU’RE EATING! (LAUGHTER)
FROM HERE ON OUT, I PROMISE, OUR VEGGIE BURGERS WILL NOT JUST BE
BAR COASTERS SOAKED IN M.S.G. IT IS OUR SOLEMN PLEDGE THAT OUR
CASHIERS WILL NOW ADD UP THE COST OF YOUR PRODUCTS INSTEAD OF
JUST TYPING IN THE HIGHEST NUMBER THEY CAN THINK OF. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
OUR EXOTIC WORLD FOODS SECTION WILL NO LONGER CARRY PRODUCTS
FROM NARNIA, SAN NADU AND FUNKY TOWN. (LAUGHTER)
WHILE YOU’RE SHOPPING, OUR EMPLOYEES WILL NO LONGER BREAK
INTO YOUR CAR AND RIFLE THROUGH YOUR GOVERNOR COMPARTMENT FOR
PAINKILLERS TO GET OUR PIZZA CHEF’S HOPPED UP BEFORE THEY
FIGHT IN THAT PIT. YOU’RE W WELCOME, WHOLE FOODS. THANK ME WITH A TASTY PIZZA
PLATE FREE SPIDER.


100 thoughts on “Whole Foods Apologies

  1. I don't see the problem. If were a prison I'd love the chance to get out and do some farm work, and make a little money while I'm at it.

  2. Nobody should find this surprising. The ‘organic’ ‘all-natural’ food industry is one big scam. It's the same exact stuff you can get in a normal store, except more expensive.

  3. I normally don't look at how much i spent at grocery stores, the one time i looked was at hoe foods, and i was shocked…. lol

  4. Why the hell is the prisoner thing bad..? He's just saying it is without saying anything about "why" other than how he'd rather not eat spider goat cheese, which Ive heard is delicious btw

  5. Wholefood is the best North American supermarket that exists I am Brazilian and I know very well the difference between an organic vegetable and another non organic, my uncle here in Brazil he works with organic products and when I went in Orlando we bought many products to prepare in the Hotel, and I affirm with certainty the vegetables of the wholefoods are all organic besides the smell you feel the flavor of the food, I am Brazilian, I live in Brazil more whenever I go in the United States I buy in the wholefoods for me it is the best

  6. I don't see why the prison labor thing is a big deal, even prison inmate still supposed to be productive member of sociability.

    And no.. prisoner are not supposed to make even minimum wage, the idea of prison is stripping one of personal freedom, space and "material enjoyments" as a form of PUNISHMENT to begin with!! Earning a minimum wage will give them roughly $24000 a year, and they are not supposed to have that kind of money in prison.

    They should only get pennies… that is enough to earn them some extra snacks or book once in a while, but they should "make" at least a minimum wage, and the excessive amount of what they "earn", should go to:

    1. The prison system (we the taxpayer are not supposed to pay that much for prisons)

    2. Any child care cost these inmate left as burden to the society

  7. This is a bad news. inmates already have a hard time getting jobs and acquiring skills which will be helpful on the outside world.
    now if a giant distribution company stop this programme than they will know nothing and go back to a life of crime

  8. This guy is still an idiot paid by Soros to spread lies. Whole Foods is everything except organic products. Their foods contain just as much Monsanto poisons as any other run of the mill corporate grocery enterprise, but with prices up to 50% more. GMO's, pesticides and etc., all in their products, PROVEN SCIENTIFIC FACTS.

  9. Whole Foods is in bed with Monsanto and Colbert is in bed with Hillary (financially). No joke. Look it up.

  10. Hey there people- as a 15 year Veteran of WFM, I can attest this video is not only hysterical, but all true. You Gotta see it to believe it!

  11. Colbert is my favorite corporate clown!!  He makes me laugh instead of thinking about all the lies  "they" tell us..hahahaha     Bye-Bye,  Whole Foods  Y;all   Crazy Criminals-Guys, lol

  12. whole foods did the same thing with grass, they had like wheat grass stalks in a bottle of water and they were like 5 bucks.

  13. On the other end of the spectrum, I'm a little bothered by $1.95 bottle of wine I got from Trader Joe's. Where are those made and by whom? Just to make sure I bought 7. Just in case I needed extra for the taste.

  14. How many people bought the asparagus water? Do they have grounds for damages? Was there an expiration date on the "water"? Would think asparagus would go bad quickly and if someone got sick from it…more trouble. Whole Food is greedy and trying to get one over the public (again!)

  15. Wow when I was going to go there for the first time and heard their products aren't even fucking cage free I realized that prison is a terrible work place.

  16. Youtube has apparently decided there's nothing new worth watching and is suggesting me all of these 2015 Colbert videos.

  17. FACT: Our for-profit prison system is simply a form of "legalized slavery". This is why the vast majority of inmates are non-violent offenders. (They are the easiest to "manage"!)

  18. There's an ad for the University of Phoenix on this video. if you're reading this please do not believe the for profit university about about their tuition locks.

  19. Taking advantage of prison labour… idk if I agree or disagree with that. B/c on the one hand, a company profits off of someone else's misfortune. However, on the other hand, these prisoners have a job. That's a decidedly good thing… I wish people would just pay prisoners a more fair wage and give them the choice to opt out of work detail so they arent literal slave labour. But hey, it's not a perfect world. :/

  20. With the notion of revamping our "correctional" system aside. It's actaully a good thing they're in prisons because it gives inmates a chance to gain work experience.

  21. Pro choice person says to a pro life friend at a Pro choice rally.

    PC: I thought you were pro life.
    Pl: I'm flexible.

    Whole food, vegans are NOT flexible. Quit these B.S. ads.

  22. Watch me shop at Whole Foods on my dumb foodie vlog blog. I live off the free samples Brah!

  23. You are so awesome. Prizoner cheese and free range chix raised by caged men

  24. Stephen The Hypocrite probably shops grocery at a higher level store with his multimillion paycheck. Only dumb fools like us are manipulated by celebs acts

  25. Whole Foods trouble here too? I got in trouble telling my friends my weight is 158 when it is really 207lbs

  26. Why is it wrong to employ prisoners though????????????? Those people do not have much to look forward to in the day, working as normal human beings gives their days a structure and better chance on work market in the future. If they have low wages (and I´d say it is still better working than not even if you do not earn much), one should be concerned the same about the ppl. working in supermarkets, fast food chains et c. …How is it helping anyone to take the jobs away though??

  27. We pay for prisoners to enjoy a VIP prison lifestyle found nowhere else in the world. If they want to work and prove themselves ready to get back to society then that's great. They had their chance at working for minimal wage and refused it.

  28. giving prisoners a chance to be productive and learn a skill or a trade, is a good thing. even if they will be incarcerated for life. i don't see the scandal here, other than taking away an inmate's opportunity to find some way to remain a positive participant in society. being in prison doesn't mean you deserve to sit in a cell 24/7 while your mind and body rot away. no prison jobs pay well and they're not supposed to. but being a prisoner costs money. you have to buy food and toiletries. that money has a different value in prison. it's a shame to take it away.

  29. Have no problem with prison labor, anything that doesn't offer threat to societies safety and well being. Don't particularly want to eat their cheese but high five for their work on wildfires, hwy crews and the undies VS puts out.

  30. Sprouts is cheapest for produce ; but in Denver, Vitamin Cottage Natural.Grocers is the best place. and they are on the stock exchange .

  31. It appears Stephen does not appreciate Whole Foods. I wonder if they took some legal action against the Late Show! Some good zingers and zangers in there, Stephen!

  32. Prison labor, another name for slave labor!! 😱 This is happening in every Prison!! 😈 Justice Reform!! 😁

  33. There have been many protests lately by animal rights activists because Whole Foods sells chicken called organic that actually comes from factory farms.

  34. Of course you realize that ALL prison labor is done with a captive workforce. OF COURSE the wages aren't competitive with those in a free market.

    In theory, work assignments are part of Rehabilitation and the wages are sort of symbolic. In practice, states like Georgia would probably collapse if they didn't have their rediscovered source of slaves.

  35. Our local whole foods used salad bowls that weighed more than the salads and they included it as part of the salad weight.
    Wait for it …
    Then after paying for both the weight of the bowl and the salad, Whole Foods wanted the bowls back.
    Basically they charged 3x the weight of the salad or about $30/pound.

  36. It may sound good to prison labor, to make something useful. The problem natutally is, this is slavery. This will imcrease the amount off people that are thrown in prison from all kinds of made up crimes. It becomes the new work force for the wealthy. Low to no cost on salaries, and the prisons are privatized and funded ny government money. Disgusting

  37. I will NEVER shop at Whole Foods again! Oh, wait, I’ve never shopped there before! Bcuz I realize an obvious hoax to get people to spend extra money on “special products “ 🙄

  38. Wait, that sounds better than working inside the prison. In Europe they rehabilitate juvenile delinquents with outdoor things- gardening, nature hikes, etc. I think even the most hardened criminal would prefer being outside. Does anyone ask inmates?

  39. OMG I'm glad I don't shop at wholesfood imagine the diseases that might've or could have passed to those products because they're made by inmates eww

  40. I truly despise these “healthy food” chains, back up your claims with properly independent studies or shut up. That applies to “alternative medicine” too!

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